37 - urdu jokes

urdu jokes

36 - urdu jokes

urdu jokes

Urdu Funny SMS

Hello G

G,G
Acha G

Han G

Acha

Acha

Really

Na Oye

Phir

Sachi

Phir

Haan

Kaise

Acha G

Haan

Kia?

Oh Nahi G

Sorry Wrong Number..

=========================

Qayamat k din allah pak sub ko aik

paper dega k apne apne gunah lekho

sub likh rehe honge achanak aap ki

awaz ai ge � supply plz�! :-) )

=========================

Kon kehta hai k Pakistan me job nai milti

Ye lo Jharu

\\\\|////
\\\|///
\\|//
\|/
|

Or shandar career ka aghaz karo.

=========================
Ek Zaruri Itla
Kabhi Kisi Larki Se Book Nahi Mangni Chahiye,

Nahi To Chaanta Bhi Lag Sakta Hai

Kyun K,

Book Means:

B= Baby
O= Only
O= One
K= Kiss;->

=======================

Ap lovely ho -94%

Ap Cute ho -95%

Ap Sweet ho -96%

Ap Beautiful ho -97%

Ap Stylish ho -98%

Ap Attractive ho -99%

or

Main phainknay mein Expert hun 100%.

=======================

Manzil kareeb dekh kar yun mutmaeen na ho FARAZ
,
,
,
,
,
,
Aksar Tatti nikal jati hay bathroom ke aas paas..

==========================

Dil Ke operation ko BYEPASS Q kahte hain????????

Socho Socho,

??????

Q Ke agar operation theek ho Gaya to PASS,Warna BYE :-)

==========================

Hum to tanhayon se tang akar dost banane nikle the FARAZ�

Dost bhi aise mile k aur tanha kargay.

==========================

Larki nahane gai kapre utare darwaza

baja boli=KON? Jawab aya=POSTMAN kapre

pehen k letter liya phir nahane gai kapre

utare darwaza baja boli=KON? Jawab aya=DHOBI

kapre pehen k dhobi se hisab kiya phir nahane

gai kapre utare darwaza baja phir boli=KON?

Jawab aya=PAPPU(parosan ka beta hay.ANDHA hay)

larki ne socha kya farq parta hay kapre nahi

pehenti aise he chali gai darwaza khola PAPPU

ne mithai di boli=kis khushi me PAPPU=meri

Ankhein theek hogayeen.

===========================

1 Pakistani dosre se:

Yaar kehte hain iss baar jung computer se lari jaye gi???

2nd: Haan! mizaile computer se control hotay hain na�

1st: Phir tau hum jang haar jain gay.

2nd: Woh kese???

1st: Yaar agar mizaile chalanay se pahlay hi bijli chali gai tau??? ;)

=======================

Makhlooq ko mat Tang kia kero
Once a Molvi went 2 Zardarii

&

Said !

�Makhlooq ko mat Tang kia kero Werna Allah ka Aazab ayega �

Zardari said!

Bholay Badshao ! Mein he wo Azaab hoon jo aa Chuka hai

===========================

BV se larayi khatam hoi?
1 dost: BV se larayi khatam hoi?

2nd dost: gutne taik k mere pass ai thi

1st: ussney gutne taik kay kia kaha?

2nd: yehi key bed k nichey se nikal aao khuch nahi kahongi

===========================

Murgi to anday deti hai.

Anday to sufaid hote hein.

Sufaid to dood bhi hota hai.

Dood to bhains deti hai.

Bhains to kali hoti hai.

Kala to bangali bhi hota hai.

Bangali to paan khaata hai.

Paan to laal hota hai.

Laal to gulaab bhi hota hai.

Gulab mein to Kaantein hote hein.

Kantein to machli mein bhi hote hein.

Machli to pani mein terti hai.

Pani mein to insan bhi tera hai.

Insan to lamba hota hai.

Lamba to mera ye Sms bhi hai.

Mujhe to deemagh khana tha.

Ha ha ha

=======================

Boy:Tum shadi k baad apnay liye alag ghar to nahi maango gi?

Girl:Aray nahi!! tum apni amma ko alag ghar dila dena

=======================

Bhikari: Baboo 10 Rs. ka sawal hai, chaay (Tea) peenee hai.

Aadmee: Lykin chaay tu 05 Rs. ki aati hai.

Bhikari (sharmatay hoay): Woh meri girl friend bhi saath hai.

========================

chooha Billi Se Darta Hai

Billi Kuttay Se Datrteee Hai

Kutta Aadmee Se Darta Hai

Aadmee
Biwi Se Darta Hai

Or
Biwi Choohay Se Dartee Hai

Hai Na Dunya Gol !!!!

=========================

Agar aap Gul Ahmad k kapray pehnay gay tu..

.

.
to

.

.
to

tu bichara Gul Ahmad kia pehnay ga?

============================

Girl Friend: Darling , Tum mere liye sitaray

tor kar la sakte ho?

Boy Friend: Mujhy koi amrood torne nahi deta

tum sitaaron ki baat karti ho..

=============================

Teri Sada ki Bay-rukhi ko mai aaj takbhula nhi paya�

Mubarak ho mubarak ho!!..Is shair me Faraz nhi aya

===============================

KFC New Prices

Piza @Rs.200
Chicken @Rs.150
Burger @Rs.100
Pepsi @Rs.50

Lakin ap phir b kuch kha nhi sakte Q K
ap k pas tou sms k liye b paisy nhi hote.

=======================

1 choohay ko agar 1 bille se love
ho jaye tou wo kon sa gaana gaey ga?
.
.
.
.

Very simple

Billo rani�

Kaho tou abhi jaan day doon.

==========================

Bhai log!

Ghajini dekhne k bad andaza hua k
apke bhi b Amir khan se kuch kam
nhi hai.

Mein b parhta hun,samjhta hun,

Phir 15 min bad sab bhool jata hun.

==========================

A dirty msg

1 cockroach hotel gya aur waiter sai kaha

1 plate bulghum 1 fry nak or nuzla

1 glass vomating shake le aao

But hath safeguard se dho laina plz

===========================

Boy: Suit to bohot acha pehna hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Lipstick bhi achi hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Makeup bhi bohot acha hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Lekin achi phir bhi nahi lag rahi ho.

=============================

1 Khusra Vote Mangte Hue
�Hamen Vote Do,
Mai Yakeen Dilata Hn Agar Mein Kamyab Hogya
To Phr Kisi K Haan Bhi Kaka Paida Hoa To
�Govt.�
Us K Ghar Muft Nachay Gi�

=============================

Ye lo aik rupey ka Coin aur mujhe Cute sa Sms

karo kanjoosi ki bhi koi had hoti hai

Aur khabar dar is aik rupey ki tofee khareedi to�

==============================

TV On karo�.

Abhi abhi Government of Pakistan ne Ordinance jaari kiya hai

k

KhoobSoorat logon ko is mulk se nikal diya jaye ga

Aap to 100% save ho

.
.
.
Par mein kahan Jaaon??

============================

Patient: Mujhe beemari hai.
Na khaaon to Bhook lagti hai.
Na Soun oto Neend aati hai.
Aur ziyada kam kar loon to thak jata hoon.
Doctor: Saari raat dhoop mein baitho theek ho jao gay.

==============================


Ek dafa ek chuua ek haati key pinjrey main ghuss jata hai.

Woh haati ko dekh ta hai aur pooch ta hai,

�Bhai haati aap itney barrey ho, aap ki kya umar hai?�

Haati bolta hai: Main teen saal ka ho gaya hoon.

Tumhaari kiya umar hai chuuey?
Chuua sharma key kahta hai: Umar to meri

bhi teen saal hai lekin dar assal bachpan mein

meri sahat kharaab rahti thi.

============================

Cheel urri

Kawwa urraa

Maina urri

Chirria urri

Gadha urra

Oops..Sorry jaldi main aap ka b urra
dia

=========================

Ek tou tum shrmatey bohat ho

Ager baat krey koi tumse tou itraatey boht ho

Dil chahat hai koi sms na karon tum ko

Per suna hai tum sms parh k muskuratey boht ho�

=============================

Hain dafan mujh mein meri kitni raunaqen mat pouch Faraz!

Ujar ujar k jo basta raha wo shehr hoon main..!

==============================

__l""l l""l__
(______)(______)

Ye hain wo joote jo BUSH per barsay thy in ki

Qemat Caror Dollar lag chuki hai mager aap k liye free!!

=============================

Itni shiddat se maine larki patane ki kosish ki hai,

K her amma nai mujhy apni beti ka haath na dene ke saazish ke hai

Kehte hain aggar tum sache dil se larki patana chaho

Tou pori kayenat tumhare liye larki patane mein lag jati hai

Ye larki kay chakar bhi apni hindi films
ki tarah hote hain

End mai sub theek ho hi jata hai,

Aur agar sub thek na ho tou chakar khatam nhi hota

Kyn k uski choti behn abhi baqi hai mere dost�

==============================

Main teri Maa Hoti
Teacher: Main teri Maa Hoti Tou Main Tujhy

2 Din Main Sudhaar Deti �

Student: Madam, Kal Tak Main Apne Papa Sy

Mashwara Kar k Bata Doonga � ;->

======================

Duniya buri ho sakti hai aap nhi

Duniya bewafa ho sakti hai aap nhi

Duniya zalim ho sakti hai aap nhi

aur
aur
aur

Kuttay ki dum sedhi ho sakti hai ap
ke nhi..

=============================

Police officer 2 his son!

Tumhara result acha nhi aaya,

Aaj se tumhara khelna aur T.V dekhna
band

Son!Ye 50 rupay pakro aur is baat ko yaheen dabado

==========================

Jotay khane k tum he ustaad nhi ho ARBAB�.

Suna hai is zamanay mei koi BUSH bhi hai�

==========================

Ek charsi ki bakri gum ho gai bohat talash kya magar nhi mili,

Sham ko ghar aaya tou bakri samne bandhi hui thi,

Ghuse mai aa kar bakri zibah kar di,

Khud bhi khai or doston ko bhi khilai,

Jab subha so kar utha tou dekha bari sahi salamat khari thi,

Aur kuta gayeb tha��

==========================

Zindagi mai kuch sapny saja lena,

Dil mai kuch arman jaga lena,

Hum aap ki raahon se her dard chura lenge,

Jab chaho hum se Disprin
mangwa lena�.

======================

Breaking News on Geo TV.

Pakistan mai loadshedding khatam

:

:

:

:

:

Abhi itna hi suna tha k light chali
gae :-(

==========================

A dirty msg

1 cockroach hotel gaya or waiter se kaha
1 plate bulghum 1 fry nak or nuzla

1 glas vomating shak le aao but hath safeguard se dho lena plz.

==========================

Best Sms of 1947.
.

.


Tab Mobile tha kya?
Kabhie to thora dimagh ka istamaal kar liye karo!
Bas Sms parhne ki lagi rehti hai..

=============================

Shikwa hamein manzoor nhi�

Aaj na koi bahana hoga �

Aap ko hamari khushiyoun ki qasam�

Next saal aap ko Nahana hoga

=======================

Lafz lafz likhon teri tareef mai,

.

.

.

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Kafi hain ya aur likhon?

===========================

1 indian ne 24 ghnte tk pani mai sans rok

kar rehne ka rcord qaim kya hai jinhe kal
.

.

.

Bad namaz e zuher mewa shah qabristan

mai dafnaya jaega..

===========================

Aajib Hai Nakhre Tere�
Aajib Tera Style Hai�
Naak Pochne Ki Tameez Nahi
Haathoo Main Mobile Hai

===========================
Zindagi mai kamiyab hony k do asool:

1- Kabhi kisi ko puri baat na batao.

2- ��!!!!

============================

Ques:Ghurbat ki intha kya hai?

Ans: Jb 1 larki 2 rupay mein kiss dene ko tayar ho

�

�

�

�

Aur aap k pass 1 rupay ho�!

=======================

Koi�

Galti

Ghhustakhi

Wagaira

Ho

Gai

Ho

Tou

Is

Akhri

Mahenay

Me

;

;

;

;

Mujh

se

Mafi maang lo

Q

k

;

Me aaj achay mood mai hoon

=========================

hockey aur cricket me kya fark hy ???

Hockey main Pakistan 1 ghantay main zalil hota hai

Jab ke

Cricket main 9 ghantay lag jate hain�

============================

Are utho�

Ye koi soney ka waqt hai?

Jab dekho sotey rehte ho?

Kya sari zindagi so so ke bitani hai?

Aur haan jaag jao to shor mat karna

Mein so raha hoon..

========================

Purani Kahawat hai ke,

Sonay ke time Tension ko saath le ker nahi sona chaiye.

Lekin phir bhi Log pata nahi kiu??

Apni Biwi ko apne saath le ker sotay hein.???

==========================

Ab Bush k bad Obama
zara sambhal k qadam rakhna iraq me obama
Bush ko pare hai jooty Tere tou utar denge pajama :-)

===========================

4 kam karo

1. Mobile switch off kro

2. Battery kholo

3. Sim nikalo

4. Mobile ko road pai dai maro

Jb koi msg hi nhi karna tou mobile
ki kya zarorat.

==========================

Plz mujhy 1 mis call do yahan light nhi hai

or mujhy mere cell mil nhi raha
.

.

.

Send it 2 ur frndz n check how intelligent dey r?

==========================

Girl�s college me strike thi,
Boys bhi unke saath the,
Ladkiyon ne naara lagaya.
�Hamaari Maange�
pichhe se awaaz aayi
�Sindhoor se bharo

=========================

Aik memon samander mein doob gaya,
Us ne dua ki YA ALLAH mujhe nikal de,
Me teri raah mein aik Chawal ki degh doon ga.

Aik lehar ne is ko bahar nikal diya,
Bahar aa kar bola: Konsi Degh?
Foran aik lehar aayi aur is ko wapas le gayi.

Memon bola: YA ALLAH mein ne to poocha tha Chicken Ya Beef?

=======================

Meri Prem kahani ka ajeeb ending tha

Wah Wah

Meri Prem kahani ka ajeeb ending tha

Izhar-e-Mohabat Sms se kiya tha,

Jo un ki Shaadi tak bhi Pending tha�.!

Wah Wah

========================

Urdu bhi kaisi ajeeb zaban hai�!

Agar watch kharab ho jaye tou kehte hain k
�Band Hai��

OR

Agar larki kharab ho tou kehte hain k

�Chalu Hai..�

=========================

Kal polio k qatray pilanay ka akhiri din hai
Is liaye aap bhi chalay jana
Q
K
.

.

.

.

Ap ki b teesri taang choti reh gai hai :-)

==========================

Arz kya hai

SmS doston ko itna kya k jeet gaye sms ki race,
Mobile bhi unka pareshan ho k kehna laga,
?

?

?

?

?

NO SPACE
.
.

No SPACE

==========================

Hindi Funny Sms

Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

*****************************************

Medical Shayari
When you breathe, you respire!
Wah Wah!
When you breathe, you respire!
Wah Wah!

When you don�t breathe, you expire!
Wah Wah, kya baat hai!

********************************************

Dil badal na dena sim ki terha
Mohabbat low na krna battery ki terha
Pyar kam na krna balance ki terha
Hamesha meri zarurat mehsus karna charger ki terh

********************************************

Jise koyal samjhe, woh kauwa nikla. Dosti ke naam par hauwa nikla. Jo roka karte they humein sharab peene se, aaj unki jeb se pauwa nikla.

********************************************

Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!
*********************************************

Attitude of girls:

When a boy sends dirty sms
she laughs for 10 minutes,
forward dat to her friends n
then replies the boy.
�i dont like that kind of sms ok?� :p ;->

***********************************************

pathan: me ne khat likha tha k meri shadi per ana.
tum q nahi aye.

2nd pathan: mujhe khat mila he nahi
1st pathan: me ne likha tha

k khat mily ya na mily tum zaror ana.:-)

**********************************************

Kajol Aur Usama

Osama Bin Ladan And Kajol Ki Mulakat Hoi

Osama: Hows Life?
Kajol: Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum

Kajol: And Urs?
Osama: Kabhi Goli Kabhi Bum

**********************************************

Honth Jab Honth Se Milte Hai
To Kya Hota Hai?
.

.

.

.

Humesha Galat Hi Socha Karo

Munh Band Ho Jaata Hai
Aur Kya?

**********************************************

Friends I�m Collecting
Quaid�s Photos
Give Ur Contribution
2 My Collection.
A Small Condition Is
It Must Be On
500 Or 1000 Rupees Note

*********************************************

1 admi doston ki mehfil se raat late ghar gaya
dosto ne pucha k wife ne kuch kaha to nahi
admi bola nahi kuch khas nahi bus ye
2 dant to mai wesay bhi niklwane wala tha

*******************************************

Ek Larka Ek Larki
Aha Aha

Adhi Raat Ko
Oho Oho

Jungle Main
Wah Wah

Jhari K Peichay
Ouii

Sab Say Chup K
UFF

DABA DABA K
Aha Aha

Mango Kah Rahey They
Hahahahhah

*****************************************

Baap: beta shadi k din susral walay
ghari dein tu suit mang lena.
Scooter dein tu car mang lena,
dokan dien tu ghar

beta: dady larki dein tu oski maa mang lon?

*****************************************

He said� Do u love me just coz
my father left me a fortune?
She said� No stupid, I�d love u no matter
who left you the money!

****************************************

Define a True Music Lover?

A Girl singing in a Bathroom
While Taking Bath
and a Boy Near the Keyhole
is Using His Ears Not His Eyes.

***************************************

You are a DOG�
D = Darling
O = Of
G = Girls
Now u r smiling na?
Am i right??
Tu sach mein kutta hai

****************************************

Teacher says to student, In Algebra
A=B
&
B=C.
It means A=C.

Now give relevant example.
Student: Sir, I love you & You love your daughter,
It means that I love your daughter.

*******************************************
Phool bina�..Khushboo bekaar Chand bina�..Chandni bekaar Pyar bina�..

Zindagi bekaar Mere SMS bina�..Tumhara MOBILE bekaar

*******************************************

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

*******************************************

Sitam dhaane ke bhi had hote hain pass naa aane ke bhi had hote hain rooth jaane ke bhi had hote hain ek sms to kardiya karo paise bachane ke bhi had hote hain

******************************************

risto ki dore kamjor hoti hai

ankho ki batte kuch aur hoti hai
khuda ne jab bhi pucha dosti ka matalab
hamari ungali aap ki or hoti hai

*******************************************

Media: Prince, bahar aa kar acha lag raha hai?
Prince: Kya acha lagega? Andar choclate thi, pastry thi, milk badam tha.

Thodi der aur ruk jaate shayad Bipasha bhi aa jati.

********************************************

Kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kar so ab. Kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kar so ab. Abey karta hi rahega to dhoyega kab?

*******************************************

Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey

********************************************

Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge.

Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai
********************************************

Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin� Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi� aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.

*********************************************

Lady drinking coke, machhar falls in. Lady takes it out, machhar says �MAA�!

Lady asks why did you call me �MAA�? machhar says, �Main teri coke se nikla hoon, MAA!�.